This is a sort of random post, inspired by a moment’s inspiration of the present rather than a specific need. I used to post emotional meanderings all the time, back in the day when Vox was my service of choice and the angst of my teen years had not quite subsided. I’ll try to avoid angst.
This, so very obviously, hasn’t been a great year. It’s not a super present. And in truth the past decade and more have been filled with troubles, those well-known and some best kept in the past. Despite all the incoming positive changes rapidly approaching my life, it’s hard to feel positive when there are still so many problems in the present to deal with. It’s a bit like appreciating the beauty of a dandelion growing through a set of worn train tracks while you yourself are tied onto those same tracks and oh look there’s the train rapidly coming to say ‘hello’ to you and the dandelion. It’s distracting.
And then it rains, and I feel okay with the world again. Here’s why.
Back in…Jr. High, I think, we had some standardized testing going on. Students were grouped into shifts so that entire classes weren’t taken away from their work. One day, I had gotten back from doing…something, I dunno, and I got to class only for my teacher to ask if I wasn’t meant to actually be taking a test. Whoops! So I had to book it, out in the pouring rain to the temporary portable classrooms that were set up in the back of the school. I was late, but not concerned because then and still I don’t really care about testing all that much. And it was writing, and I excelled with writing hollow, but impressive sounding papers on the fly.
I love rain. I loooooove rain. I get annoyed when I’m stuck inside away from a downpour.
I wrote two papers that day, trapped inside the humid portable among classmates who were strangers to me. For the first paper my mind was still rushing with the panic and scandal of being late to the rigidly officiated testing. I took a moment to listen to the rain outside and from there a stream of conscious realization decided my theme.
I thought about how I loved the rain, but couldn’t always be with it. Sometimes I could at least hear it, other times the building might be too insulated so it might as well be a sunny day outside. I hated that. What’s the point of it raining at all if I can’t enjoy it? But then I thought, maybe I should all the same. Because even if I can’t hear it, it’s still raining. The rain doesn’t stop just because I’m not present.
Things aren’t always okay right now. Good things may happen and you can’t fully enjoy them. But you can still appreciate that they’re good. You’ll get a chance to enjoy them later. A bad moment can’t overshadow a good life.
I got whatever the testing equivalent of a C was on it. The second paper was complete crap and I got full marks.
In conclusion I don’t believe standardized testing is an effecting educating method.