Randomosity: The Dapper Stalker

Here is another new category for you to study and memorize: Randomosity. Not short enough for a tweet, but too random to give to my ghostwriter who is writing my memoirs. Short. Odd. Pointless. Basically my typical writing style. (Or a seriously wrong “he/she said joke”).

I have this problem. I have glasses, but never wear them. Typically they’re for night driving and if I’m in the back of a classroom trying to read whatever scribble the instructor pretends is handwriting. I don’t have much occasion for either, so usually my glasses are “somewhere” in my room, only taken out for video games with extra dark environments and super tiny print in the menus. (I’m looking at you, Gears of War).

The glasses aren’t the problem. The problem is when the workday is reaching its end and I start to get a little bleary eyed. Not an issue when I’m doing productive work like harrasing coworkers on GTalk or updating Twitter, but what if I get a patron that needs special attention? I am of course talking about attractive lady types. If an attractive lady type walks in but stays at a distance from me, how can I safely oggle them and be sure that they are indeed attractive? I’ve been burned before.

My solution? A monocle. Less obvious than throwing on glasses just to leer at a poor, innocent girl but with the benefit of being able to get a good, clear look at them.

Plus it would give me some class.

I should also mention that my Randomosity posts will rarely reflect the honest opinions or views of myself, except when they do.


4 thoughts on “Randomosity: The Dapper Stalker

  1. Joan says:

    I think probably if you have a monocle you will also need a British accent. Then whatever cute girl it is will fall for you for sure, because we all love accents. And you will also sound like a genius and everything you say will sound witty.

    • Sound smart? Of course I sound smart! As for the accent I’m bit sure how long I could fake it. Up to the wedding? Maybe. But after the second kid, I may slip up.

  2. Bean says:

    I would give the monocle more thought. Girls seldom make passes at boys that look like Mr. Peanut.

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